Wednesday, January 25, 2006

CONTEST!!!!!

So, this guy went to the circus. He got in, sat down and as soon as he sat down, the place went pitch black.

A spotlight came on, and a midget clown walked out. Suddenly, another spotlight came on, directly on this guy. The midget yells out "Hey mister! Are you the front of a horse?" The guy says "well, no" So the midget says "Well then you must be a horse's ass!!!!"

And the crowd goes wild! They're falling off their chairs laughing.

This guy is really embarassed and mad. At intermission people keep jeering him and calling him a horse's ass. This guy is getting really mad.

He wants to get back at the clown. He'd just go beat him up, but it's wrong to beat up a midget clown.

So, this guy decides he's going to outwit this clown. He'll bide his time.

The guy leaves and enrolls in University. He takes as many literature, english, Shakespeare classes...everything. He gets a degree in wit. But he still just doesn't feel quite ready.

So he applies at Cambridge University in London and gets accepted to take his Masters in wit. He studies for another 3 years and publishes papers and researches and finds everything out about wit that he can.

He publishes his thesis and it becomes the driving force in the world of wit. This man is the master of wit! No one is better.

So he finally feels ready. He's going to go face that clown and outwit him! Then the clown will be embarassed just like he was.

So he goes back to his home town and is first in line for the circus. He gets in, sits in the same seat and waits.

The lights go off, the spotlight goes on and the same midget clown walks out. Then the second spotlight comes on...right on this guy. Once again the midget goes "Hey mister! Are you the front of a horse?" And the guy says "No!" So the midget goes, "Well then you must be a horse's ass!" The crowd goes wild, they're laughing until the tears stream down their faces. It's finally this guy's time for revenge. The crowd quiets down and the guys yells back to the clown...




"YEAH, WELL FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING CLOWN!!!!!"
(highlight between quotations)


So yeah, that was a joke that my Comm 404 (Business Laws) prof told last class.

He has this thing. If you write a joke on your final that he thinks is funny enough to use next year in class, you get an extra 5% in the class. Now, this is hard to get. He's been teaching this class for years and has only given out these marks TWO times. It's gotta be a GREAT joke.

So here's the contest:

Submit a joke that is so incredibly hilarious my prof will give me the 5%.

The joke must be clean enough to use in a university class...so swearing is ok, but no derogative terms.

No insulting any group of people (you notice in this joke, it was wrong to beat up a midget clown).

The joke can be submitted on your blog, but make sure I read it. It can be submitted in the comments of any of my posts, or it can be e-mailed to me. If you don't have my e-mail address...well then you'll just have to use one of the other choices.

Prize: Undecided - It's a long contest...I'll take my time to think up something AMAZING
I guess if you want to suggest a prize, I could consider it...but remember, I'm poor right now.

You get the prize whether I get the 5% or not. If I choose your joke to use, then you win.

Due Date: April 11, 2006 - This is the date of my final exam in this class, so you have until then. Don't worry, I'll remind you about the contest every week or so.

So yeah. I finally have a contest. It's a bandwagon, I had to hop on it.

So get those funny juices rolling and get me my 5%!!!!

10 Comments:

At 10:39 p.m., Anonymous Nitro said...

Q: What's big and purple and lives in the sea?

A: Moby Grape.

PS - Harper and the Conservatves can bite my ass.

 
At 10:48 p.m., Blogger David Roman said...

I have a joke.... Stephen Harper....... hahaha, that's hilarious

:P

 
At 11:07 p.m., Blogger David Roman said...

oops, almost forgot again to relate things to Star Wars. You see, Anakin trains all his life to get back at that evil Yoda, who's like a circus clown. Yoda told Anakin he didn't think he could be trained. Too much fear, blah blah blah. So then, when Anakin gets older and trains and stuff, he gets back at the jedi with bad dialogue as well.

See, it works. (I'll seriously enter your contest, just give me some time!)

 
At 5:13 p.m., Blogger Darth Fudge said...

Incidentally, that joke is really really funny.

 
At 4:56 p.m., Blogger Pilot said...

q : What's Orange and tied up in my backyard?

a : My nigger and I'll paint him any colour I like.

Too racial?

 
At 6:43 p.m., Blogger Alotta Cocka 1nd said...

A guy walks into a bar....ouch.

or how bout this one:

a priest, a rabbi, and a bishop walk into a bar, the bartender says: "What is this, a joke??"

 
At 12:29 a.m., Blogger Soulfood said...

Jeremy. You stole that from Levi. I remember the first time he told you it...in the basement and Grandma and Grandpa's house at that table. You almost shit yourself laughing.

 
At 10:17 p.m., Blogger Pilot said...

It doesn't make it any less funny.

 
At 8:03 p.m., Blogger Binns said...

This comes from a mysterious reader of our blog ring that I'm posting on her behalf:

Man goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches a blonde sitting by herself:

Man: "May I buy you a cocktail?"

Lady: "No thank you, alcohol is bad for my legs."

Man: "Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"

Lady: "No, they open!"

That's a pretty good one. I'll post a couple of my own soon.

 
At 12:26 p.m., Blogger Pilot said...

A Hutterite and his 13 year Old daughter go to the doctor one day. They enter the office together and the doctor asks what he can do for them.

"Well Doctor" the father says, "we'd like you to perscribe my daughter birth control."

The Doctor can't contain his amazement. "Are you Joking? Can you seriously tell me that your 13 year old daughter is sexually active?"

"Naw" said the father," She just lies there like her mom."

 

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