The Cracker Jack Saga

Tonight, I bought some Cracker Jacks. I like popcorn, and I like other flavours of Cracker Jacks, so I got a bag of "The Original Cracker Jack." Here I am with my Cracker Jacks. Quite happy that I have them.


Now, another reason why I got this bag was because I was promised a SURPRISE INSIDE!!!!! Wow! A surprise!! Now, I no longer buy cereal that comes with prizes. I just don't eat those kinds anymore. So, the possible surprise was quite exciting. Now, unlike cereal, they don't tell you what the prize is going to be. You just have to open up the bag and find out!


Now, I open the bag and soon I see this little paper book.

So, I grab it. I open it, and what is it?? Well, the title proclaims, "Yo-Yo Spinners". I am instructed to:

• Carefully pull out prize
• Peel off stickers; stick on sides of yo-yo or anywhere else

Now, the first instruction makes me thing, "wow, there must be a yo-yo in here somewhere!" Because why would they instruct me to pull the prize out carefully unless it was still in that bag somewhere. I already pulled out the little book thing...it's too late to be careful about it!

So, of course I can't wait and I start digging around in the bag for my yo-yo. Now, if you don't know...Cracker Jacks are covered in Caramel. So, digging around in the bag makes my hand quite sticky. Quite sticky indeed.

Problem is, I'm not finding a prize anywhere. It's not there!! That little booklet WAS my prize! Some shitty stickers! These stickers aren't even big enough to stick on the side of any respectable yo-yo. Needless to say, I'm pissed.

Here's a picture of my prize. It's kinda fuzzy, but if you see the circle directly above my finger, that's the sticker I'm supposed to put on a yo-yo. It's this happy little cartoon dog. My yo-yo is way too badass for this tiny ass little dog sticker.


Now, I'm pissed about the prize when I suddenly realize something. The bag says "Caramel Coated Popcorn and Peanuts." I have not seen any peanuts. So, I'm like, "maybe they're not there." But I read the ingredients and it says that they should be there. Well, I keep eating...and let me tell you..."The Original" flavour Cracker Jacks are not very good. So, I'm eating my way through this gross popcorn...I'm almost at the bottom when I finally spot some peanuts. They're all at the very bottom of the bag!!! How crappy. The other, newer flavours of Cracker Jack have the popcorn and peanuts all stuck together, so there's no way you can eat one and not the other.


Anyway, the moral of the story is that I had a very disappointing night due to my Cracker Jacks. The packaging is all nostalgic. They show the original picture of "Sailor Jack and Bingo." Well, I figure they do that because Sailor Jack looks like this:


And Bingo, well, this is him: